Saturday, December 5, 2015

How to feel comfortable in your own skin

In a world where people judge people without paying attention to the consequences that critical comments have on a person and where social media has become one of the most important things in life it is nearly impossible not to have a picture in your mind which tells you what perfection looks like.
So how is it possible to be happy and to feel comfortable in your own skin with the knowledge that you are different than society's definition of perfection?

This is exactly what I want to talk about in this blog entry. I'm going to tell you step by step the things you might not have thought of and ways that hopefully will make you feel more confortable in your own skin which I have learned and realized by own experiences.

Why are you feeling uncomfortable in your own skin?

First of all, let us define the word "perfection". Perfection means that everything fits together in a right way so that the result is completely positive. No mistakes.
But does perfect mean that everyone has to have a positive impression of that "perfect" thing? Do you even mind that other people don't like your perfect way of chilling? Or your perfect type of coffee? Of course it can hurt to hear that somebody is talking bad about your favourite book which is your definition of a "perfect" book, but let's be honest, this doesn't make the book less perfect for you and the only reason you wan't other people to like your favourite book, too, is:
One the one hand, that you are looking for someone with the same interests as you and on the other hand, because talking bad about your favourite book feels like somebody talking bad about your taste. Both aspects don't change your opinion on the book. So, I think we can agree on the fact that for our topic "perfection" doesn't necessarily mean that everybody has to like it.

Now we get to a complicated point. If the fact that somebody else doesn't like your favourite coffee doesn't influence the happiness the coffee makes you feel, why do we, as people, aim to be liked by everyone by being perfect? Well, the majority of people don't like to get negative feedback. So they dislike not being liked and disliking something is a nagative feeling. Therefore being disliked destroys their perfection, because they don't only feel the positive energy of pure happiness, but also the negative energy which is caused by disliking not to be loved by everyone.

This is only one kind of perfection. We all know that there are people who don't care about popularity and when somebody says that people who don't care about popularity that much are happier it is probably true. I bet you can guess why. Right, because it is not possible to be liked by everyone and if you tell yourself that it is wrong to get negative feedback from other people then your mind will tell you that you aren't perfect, because you're doing wrong and this will make you think:"I'm doing wrong. I'm not perfect. Being me is not what I want." and the moment you think that being you is not what you want is the moment when you start to wish to have someone else's life which ends up with feeling uncomfortable in your own skin.

Step 1: Setting the right goals

Everyone deserves to be happy. To be happy you have to feel confident in your own skin. Now that we now why we aren't confident, we can start to solve this problem.

Let me tell you a little secret: Becoming the person you want to be is much about your own thoughts, mind, attitude and actions. No other human being has more power over you than you do.

It's now time to change a little. Yes, even though you want to feel confortable in your own skin, the fact that you aren't shows that this kind of "you" doesn't make you happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to change for other people or to be more popular. You don't move to another house only because your friends don't like your current house. But why would you stay in a house that doesn't make you feel like you're home or that doesn't make you smile when you look at it when life offers you a lot more opportunities to change that house? Changing can be a good thing if you do it right.

To change you have to set the right goals. The right goals? Yes, without the right goal you will take wrong roads which will lead you to wrong places.

Let's start with an easy example. You go on Instagram or Tumblr and see a photo of a girl reading a book somewhere in New York city. You ask yourself why you don't have enough free time to read a book and you realize that you never have been to New York before. At this situation most people tend to wish that they had this girls life... But that's the wrong wish! Yeah, how can you aim to travel to New York if you wish to be a completely other person? Of course you can't achieve this goal... 'cause it's impossible to become that girl and that makes it impossible to get to New York, but only if you don't set the right goal. So let's correct this together.

Do you really want that girl's life? With her trip to New York, her time to read, but also her daily problems? No, what you actually wish for is a little free time in your life and to travel to New York. So your goal should sound like this:"I want to travel to New York and have some free time in my daily life."

Step 2: Accepting the current you

I suppose that you already have an idea of what kind of person you want to become. But setting a goal and knowing what would make you happier doesn't mean that you should totally ignore the current you. Instead of trying to ignore your current characteristics which make you feel insecure about yourself, you should try to accept them.

The reason for that is that you can't change if you don't know who you are now. That would be like trying to build a house without knowing what the ground, you're standing on, is made of.

If you don't like your hair, because you think it doesn't support your natural beauty, then go change it. But first you must accept you current hair. Look at yourself in the mirror. What exactly is your hair type? Is it thin or thick? Dry or oily? Curly, straight or something in between? If your hair is curly, dry and damaged then you should be aware of the fact that straightening your hair won't make it look prettier. But now that you've accepted your hair type and you know that it's dry, you can start to moisturize it by using the right products and when you start to see the difference and realize that your hair is looking much prettier and healthier now, you can continue to straighten your hair, if you want to and it will look SO much prettier than your dry hair of which you didn't take any care of and damaged with every touch of your straightener.

Step 3: Thinking three dimensional

No, don't run away, this is NOT a Math problem. The last step is to keep a clear view of your life. Try not to see everything in life from only one perspective. I call it "Thinking three dimensional".

You usually will have automatically an opinion on everything you're going through. But try to think at least twice before you judge anything. Jealousy is a good case to think three dimensional. Maybe you're jealous of someone who has big eyes. Your first thought when you see a woman with big eyes would probably be:"Her eyes are so pretty. This woman is so pretty. As long as my eyes aren't that big, I can't be beautiful.". But that's only your point of view. Now think again. Big eyes may look pretty, but not everyone likes the look it gives to a face. If you worry about ending up alone without a boyfriend, because you find yourself ugly, then let me tell you something. There's no rule that your future boyfriend has to like the same types of faces(or anything else) like you do. Maybe the woman with the big eyes does really seem pretty to most people you show the photo, but maybe your face is the type of face your future boyfriend would fall for? Maybe he loves the look your small eyes give to your face and make all your face expressions so unique? Ever thought of that?

When you're wondering why you don't have the opportunities to buy as much makeup as one of your friends, think three dimensional again. Maybe she never buys sweets or never goes to the cinema unlike you and that's the only reason she can affort all that makeup? And if not: Do you really need as much makeup as she does? Why can't the mascara and all your lip sticks be enough? You're probably able to buy a makeup product. if you really love it and isn't that already enough? Shouldn't you be grateful that you can affort that one product which you really love?

You just have to keep in mind that people live in way too different conditions to compare your life to someone else's. Plus there's always something to be grateful for.

Well, I hope this blog post helped you to get started with feeling comfortable in your own. Let me now in the comments if you have any other questions about things that make life a little harder. Also feel free to comment your own advice on how to feel comfortable in your own skin, so we can help each other together.

Keep smiling!


2 comments:

  1. Beautiful words dear!

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    Xx,

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