Friday, October 7, 2016

Is Failure Really Okay?

I’ve failed. I’ve failed today. Actually I don't even know, because I haven't received an answer, but I’m pretty sure I did. I had a maths exam today and I failed. Before I talk about my failure, let me tell you how all this has happened.

When I was standing in front of class waiting for our teacher I was really nervous. This was going to be my first maths exam which is relevant for my graduation. On the other hand I knew I had studied and standing there I could remember everything I had learned, so why worry? Was there anything else I could have done besides studying everything our teacher told us until I was sure I knew everything? I thought not. When we got the papers, the tasks seemed similar to the ones I did at home, but then I spotted some I did not know how to do. We hadn't talked about them in class. So in the end I had many incomplete tasks left. The thought of having failed hasn't left me ever since.

I know that literally every person makes mistakes, but when I think of failing again and again to finally succeed I think of trying again and again. In this case I won’t get another chance to take this exam again to change my grade which will influence my final graduation grade, no matter what and there is no way I can graduate again. 

I tell you this because, like many people I’d like to tell you about how I failed, but not after I’ve succeeded. I want to tell you how I feel right now before taking the next step. When I get my exam back I’ll let you know with another post if I really did that bad and how I feel afterwards.

What bothers me most is that I could have done better IF I had known all the topics of the exam, since we hadn't had them all in class this year and normally an exam is about what you did learn or repeat before the exam. So the result doesn't actually show what I’m capable of doing, does it? Maybe it does and I should have studied more, more than I thought I needed. Well, I think failure might be okay if do it better next time. But it will leave its mark and influence my future. I’ll come to a deciding conclusion when I get my exam and my clear mind back again;) 

After all…

Keep Smiling!

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